i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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