i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
