you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
