p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
