i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
