Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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