Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
