It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
