she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
