what is it with giant penises always finding me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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