While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
