Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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