so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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