The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
