I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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