Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He passed out mid-signature
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
