I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
