u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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