dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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