I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
