Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
