I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
