Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
