"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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