Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
