omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
