ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
