i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
