I just saw a hot homeless man
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
