ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
