Can i not drive my cunt home
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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