Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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