Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
