Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
