i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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