I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
