Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Say something about gay babies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
