; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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