She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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