He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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