I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
