i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
