whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
