K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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