we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
pop tarts are not kleenex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she told me i tasted like america
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My life is pants optional.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
