So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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