Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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