fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
