So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
