I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
