ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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