I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
