Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
