we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
