don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
