porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
