Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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