we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
