Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
