I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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