When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
