omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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