saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
