found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
