Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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