Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
