He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came so hard my ears popped.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize