remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
