How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
