Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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