we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
