That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
