Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize