I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
